the season of More

I’m one of those people who dreads or resists the excesses of this time of year, the pressure to ramp up our already jam packed lifestyles with even more food, more activities, more purchases, more giving.
This year I’ve been making a greater effort to relax. After all, there’s nothing wrong with wanting and having more. So instead of grumping along, I’ve decided to compose my own Christmas wish list by asking myself: “What would I truly love to have more of?” or “What kind of abundance would raise my happiness vibration, not only during this holiday season, but also in the coming year?
Here’s what I want more of:

More music
More laughter
More kindness
More nature
More stillness
More fun with family, friends

What would you like more of this holiday season? Why not make your own wish list and choose to gift yourself with these items first - it’s guaranteed to make the next few weeks lighter and brighter!
With love,
Mary Lou

Restoring happiness

Something I tend to forget when I hit a wall is to stop pushing myself so hard up against it.
Frustrations about not being able to move right away, not really enjoying my part time job, and a family disagreement have left me feeling blah for the last few weeks. Tasks I normally sail through are tripping me up, my anxiety is rising and good sleep has been hard to come by. After a period of reacting to this slump by slogging through it and chastising myself for not getting more done, I finally returned to the response that always works best for me: The Happiness Technique - Easy, stressfree, uncomplicated ways to make myself feel good right now.
So, yesterday I played hooky and invited a dear friend to join me on an excursion. Driving through the sparkling autumn landscape, stopping to looking at antiques and art, enjoying carrot ginger soup in a delightful cafe in a new town was a feast for my senses and spirit. Having done just a few of my favorite things yesterday, I feel happier (and more open to possibilities and solutions) than I have in weeks!
What are some small actions you can take to restore your happiness when you’re feeling down or stuck? Make a list of these when you’re on a roll, because when you come to a screeching halt your blocked energy can make it hard to forget your troubles and just get happy. At the first sign of the doldrums, consult your list to remember your own unique life brighteners ….”Oh, that’s right, playing videogames with my daughter is a blast, or I do love crunching through the leaves, or laughing at Seinfeld reruns is so much fun.”
Then choose one of these things and do it, and when you’re ready, another, remembering that you deserve to feel happy!

With love,
Mary Lou

Asking for what you want

Yesterday I did some inpromptu coaching with a friend to help her gain courage to
write a profile and post it on an online dating service. Her experience in the past had been discouraging. “I always seem to end up with the dependent guys who
want a woman to cook and be all domestic for them.” Well to be honest, my friend does put out this vibe and her profiles have reflected it - she loves to cook and create a cozy home, and she enjoys making people feel comfortable. I suggested it might work better for her to ask for someone who enjoys these kinds of activities too, to avoid someone mistaking them for a service she provides. (Since this role assumption can still be an issue for people in our 50 something age bracket.)
Though women may still enjoy certain domestic arts and nurturing others, many of us have learned that we don’t want to take care of grown men… But we know we could have a great time playing house together. So why not ask for just that?

With love,
Mary Lou

Appreciative Energy

Feeling low yesterday after making a decision to postpone a long anticipated move,
I answered the door for a delivery of a book I ordered awhile back from Amazon.com.
Called Focus on the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation - by Mike Robbins - it was just what I needed to begin to shifting attention from what I wanted that I wasn’t (yet) getting
to the many wonderful things available right here and now. This is a delightful book about the transformative effects of gratitude and appreciation - including lots of easy exercises to help you raise your appreciative energy level immediately.

So, I straightaway made a list of things to be grateful for about staying in Roanoke for the time being.

It’s a relief not to have to clean and show the house - sometimes at a moment’s notice
I can stop worrying about the vagaries of the housing market
My son can get the job he say he’s been wanting (if he ever gets around to it!)
I can continue my internet dating search, which I had been postponing until after our move
I can finish up my coaching classes/ certification in the next few months without the stress of a relocation weighing me down.
I can have a carefree holiday season

It seems that if you let it, life is always pulling you into it, embracing you, moving you forward:

On Sunday afternoon after making the the decision to take the house off the market, I joined Match.com on a friends recommendation. Last night I received the warmest e-mail from a man (my age, lives nearby) who shares my love of nature and adventure.
It’s good to (always) keep the door open, at least a crack.

With love,
Mary Lou

Life’s little detours

Life sure is unpredictable. Or I should say, teenagers are. Yesterday my sister and I decided to take our homes off the market until after the beginning of the year, and postpone our move to Virginia Beach. Housing sales are slow in the fall, and with the overall slump in the market, offers have been coming in quite low. Yesterday I told my son (who has been vigorously resisting this move for the last several months, insisting he had to stay close to his friends). His face fell — said he was disappointed and really wanted the house to sell and “to get out of this small town!”
It’s hard to know what’s true with teens because they tend to say black when you say white, but I’m feeling pretty disappointed at the moment that he may actually, finally, be on the same page as we are, and we can’t move forward yet on our plans.
Sigh….
Today I’ll be considering what I can learn from this, and (perhaps) what the “grander” scheme being served by this turn of events could possibly be, but at the moment I’m feeling a little stuck.
Hopefully a more empowering perspective tomorrow!

With love,
Mary Lou

A Sea Change

As soon as our homes sell, my father, sister and I will be moving across the state to Virginia Beach with my teenage son and setting up house together. This is an exciting move, tempered by the fact that my 16 year old not happy to be leaving his friends and familiar surroundings. The last 2 years have been rocky for him - losing interest in school, using marijuana and remaining stuck at a 13 year old level. So maybe a change will do him good? Maybe it’s time for him to take some steps out of his cocoon? It’s hard to know the “right” answer, and as a mom who has become quite proficient at addressing the needs of my children first and foremost, not knowing has caused some sharp anxieties to interfere with my enthusiasm.

But here’s where remembering what I DO know comes into play, reassuring me and giving me courage:

My heart tells me this move is right for me… Though strained at times, my son and I have a deep bond…. I have the skills and resources to respond to whatever challenges come up… My son is stronger than (even he) knows…

Sometimes when we climb out on a limb it helps to remember that deep roots have been growing over a lifetime to support the branches beneath us.

With love,
Mary Lou

Celebrate playing the game

Last week I was talking to the man who just began taking care of my yard. He is also a coach for an adolescent girls basketball team, a group that had recently made it to out-of-town playoffs. After a particularly tough loss, he told the girls how great they had played and how proud he was.
Unconsoled, they asked what they were going to do next. He said “We’re going to get back on the court and practice as hard as we can.” When they replied “Really?” he said,
“Yes, but that can wait. First, we’re going out for ice cream!” When a few parents asked how they were going to celebrate winning if he was treating them with ice cream after a loss, he said, ” we’ll just have even more ice cream…”
It seemed clear after only a few minutes with this wise man that he was coaching these girls for life long fulfillment, not just for winning basketball games.
Celebrating playing the game, hanging in there, doing the best you can, (and not just your peak successes) makes the game of life so much sweeter!

With love,
Mary Lou

The 14 Day Home Spa

I wrote an article about my experience carving out a full 14 days for gentle self care following a stressful time when it wasn’t possible for me to leave home for some R & R.
Thought it might be supportive for anyone coming off a difficult stretch
or even in preparation for the busy holiday season….
http://www.brightlightscoaching.com

Love, Mary Lou

Gremlins ahead

As I finish up my ICA coursework, prepare to take Communities of Practice classes and think ahead to Supervised Coaching after Christmas, doubts are beginning to creep in…Will I be able to overcome my nerves enough to coach in front of groups, do I know enough to be certified as a coach, do I really need the certification anyway, what if I graduate and am not successful at attracting clients, and an array of other worries designed to derail me from my intention to graduate from ICA.
Have any of my wonderful fellow coaches out there encountered similar gremlins? Do you have any ideas for coaxing these guys to quiet down?

Thanks,
Mary Lou

Your rough weather plan

We all experience rough patches - unpleasant developments we didn’t figure on or make a plan for. If we were to find ourselves in the path of a hurricane, we would never lie there waiting for the waves to overtake us. Neither must we be overwhelmed by the life challenges we will all face at one time or another.

What do you carry in your stormy weather response kit?

Mine includes…

People who support me even when I’m not at my best
Ways to access the best resources for my particular challenge
Lots of extra rest and sleep
Permission to stop doing when doing becomes a struggle
Simple pleasures and treats
An awareness of fairer skies ahead

A stormy weather kit will help you face anything that comes your way. Start personalizing yours today!

With love,
Mary Lou